Tonight, Jennifer Lopez shakes her sedan-sized rear end and sings poorly in an NBC special to honor the victims of Sept. 11. No, wait...it's hard to keep up with what's supposed to be commemorating the tragedy these days and what isn't. Everything in American life now seems to be implicitly dedicated to remembering Sept. 11, even if it's cheesy. Or laughably meager: I was in the Starbucks on Division and Dearborn this morning and saw a little clear plastic box on the counter, maybe six inches cubed, labeled "September 11th Fund." It had, like, three dollar bills and some loose change in it. Billions of dollars in damage in the world's financial center, thousands of families affected, and Starbucks is going to try for a meaningful gesture with a piggy bank?

This just in: J-Lo will break for a monologue on geopolitical shifts in the twenty-first century halfway through her special tonight.