From Harry Shearer: Pat Robertson elaborates (Listen to it for maximum laughs.)

"I also think that God may have targeted Dick Clark because a couple years ago he moved the American Music Awards from January to November. Now, that's just not in God's plan."

Monkeys Typing Shakespeare
...on Family Guy:

"Let's see: 'A something by any other name.'"

"Carnation ..."

"What about daisy?"

"Chrysanthemum, iris..."

"Rose? what about rose?"

"Rose is good."

"Uh, 'A rose by any other name.' Yeah, that works. Moving on..."

"Hey, what about tulip?"

"Rose is fine. Moving on."

Slate's Dahlia Lithwick reads between the lines of this paragraph from Samuel Alito's opening statement in his confirmation hearings:

After I graduated from high school, I went a full 12 miles down the road, but really to a different world when I entered Princeton University. (Damn snobs.) A generation earlier, I think that somebody from my background probably would not have felt fully comfortable at a college like Princeton. (And as I shall now illustrate, I was not.) But, by the time I graduated from high school, things had changed. And this was a time of great intellectual excitement for me. Both college and law school opened up new worlds of ideas. (Ideas, love 'em. It's the people I hate…) But this was back in the late 1960s and early 1970s. It was a time of turmoil at colleges and universities. (Damn hippies.) And I saw some very smart people and very privileged people behaving irresponsibly. (Smart and privileged people who went on to become yourselves, ladies and gentlemen of the Senate.)...

"Austin Power"*



*ESPN.com headline

Also: What do they do with the "championship" apparel for the losing team?

Don't Go There

A creative illustration re-aired on Meet the Press last week: a Senator warning the press to back off with their questions about military strategy:

(Videotape, December 24, 1950):

SEN. PAUL DOUGLAS: Now, I'd like to ask this question: Should you pursue these questions to their ultimate limit to try to worm out of a public official state delicate matters which perhaps should not be given to the public eye? If I may use an illustration: Suppose a young man and a young woman are interested in each other, are paying court to each other. If a reporter comes around constantly and asks them the state of their feelings and what their intentions are, it will generally break up a beautiful romance and prevent the event from being consummated. Similarly, this constant prying into issues in the attempt to find out what is going to happen or what is being contemplated, does not that defeat the freedom of action of the government?

(End videotape)

A week and a half after Christmas, I still find this mesmerizing (click picture for video clip).

Recent New Yorker cartoons:

Woman to cat clawing furniture:
"You were a stray before and you can be a stray again." (12/12/05)

Sign held by prostitute on corner:
"Bad Credit O.K." (12/12/05)

Shrink to king reclining on couch:
"Must 'More dungeons' always be the answer?" (12/12/05)

Mouse at desk in office cubicle to other mouse:
"Finally, the cat's away, and I get stuck with the Davidson account." (11/21/05)

Boss to meeting in boardroom:
"It's time to call in other people who don't know more but are just different." (11/21/05)

Man to woman leaving with suitcase:
"You had me at goodbye." (10/31/05)

Woman at restaurant, with man at table in background:
"AT&T sent this drink over in the hope that you'll consider switching your long-distance provider." (10/31/05)

Women staring at picture in art gallery:
"How do you know when you're done appreciating?" (10/31/05)

Some of my recent contributions to Wikipedia spoken articles:
(in Ogg format; requires Audacity or Windows MP plug-in)

- Four-minute mile

- Mayflower

- Tupperware

- Velocity of money